Also see Attachment
Positive discipline
Also see Five Reasons to Stop Saying 'Good Job!' by Alfie Kohn
Positive Discipline is about developing mutually respectful relationships. Some tools and concepts of include:
Mutual respect. Adults model firmness by respecting themselves and the needs of the situation, and kindness by respecting the needs of the child.
Identifying the belief behind the behavior. Effective discipline recognizes the reasons kids do what they do and works to change those beliefs, rather than merely attempting to change behavior
Effective communication and problem solving skills
Discipline that teaches (and is neither permissive nor punitive)
Focusing on solutions instead of punishment
Encouragement (instead of praise). Encouragement notices effort and improvement, not just success, and builds long-term self-esteem and empowerment (SourcE)
There is plenty to read about positive discipline as well as practitioners who can work with families to create more respectful and harmonious relationships. See the Natural Parenting Directory (on the left hand side of this website) for courses and one-on-one instruction.
Articles by
Aletha Solter & the Aware Parenting Institute
Understanding Tears and Tantrums
Punishment & rewards – why they don’t work
Punishment and rewards are about control – both are "typically used to pressure people to do things … that the controller believes they would not freely do" (Source). Both are versions of behavioral manipulation, as are consequences which are experienced by the child as punishment. They are based on the adult’s use of power that dismisses the child’s need for autonomy.
While many parents no longer punish their children, rewards and consequences remain essential parenting tools for most. However there are other ways to parent that do not control that help to create mutually respectful relationships and intrinsically motivated children.
Alfie Kohn has written extensively on this subject. He is a highly respected author and speaker on human behavior, education, and parenting is highly critical of rewards and competition. His website has a range of articles on parenting and education as well as a supportive parent’s online forum.
Book
Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishment to Love and Reason by Alfie Kohn "begins with the question 'What do children need – and how can we meet those needs?' rather than 'How can we get kids to do whatever we tell them?' It helps parents to move from techniques that emphasize control (and conditional acceptance) to an approach designed to help kids grow into good people" (SOURCE).
Article
Five Reasons to Stop Saying 'Good Job!' by Alfie Kohn makes the case against praising children and provides alternative ways to support and encourage them.
For a more detailed look at this see Alfie’s book Punished by Rewards: The Trouble with Gold Stars, Incentive Plans, A's, Praise, and Other Bribes. Here he makes the case against using rewards with students, children, and employees; lengthy chapters offer alternatives to traditional carrot-and-stick practices at school, at home, and at work.
Resources
Articles
Mothering during a Melt-Down by Robyn Coburn
We make choices all the time (see blue column on right hand side)
Websites
Natural Parenting
Natural Parenting is an Australian website which offers you quality, well researched information to support and inform your parenting journey. Here you will find ideas and strategies to improve your relationship with your child, ways to connect and trust our children. There is information on health and nutrition, education and spirituality.
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The creation of a nurturing and loving family is an investment that will last our children a life time. To do this well, we need to first resource and support ourselves.
Natural Baby
Natural Baby is an Australian website which offers information on breastfeeding, co-sleeping, baby wearing, crying and a myriad of ideas that support the bonding and connection of parent and child.
Babyhood is a short time in the journey to independence. Despite its sometimes overwhelming demands it offers us many precious opportunities to create lasting connections with our child.
Scott Noelle
Scott Noelle is an inspiring parenting coach who has come to see the value of attachment parenting through his own experiences. He has two websites, both with a range of excellent information:
On his self named site you can subscribe to Transforming Parenthood, a free e-magazine on a range of attachment parenting issues
Here you can subscribe to The Daily Groove a free daily message for progressive parents. The emails are brief enough to read in a minute or less, providing a quick boost to start or end your day with. It’ll help you leave behind the daily grind, to find and stay “in your groove” — focused on thoughts that enhance the joy of parenting!
Peaceful Parenting
Peaceful Parenting provides encouragement for parents wanting to live more peacefully with their children.